The Other Side

Lately, I try to manage my thoughts. I mean, I try not to think about useless things anymore. Maybe I just realized that there's no good use for this crap.

My thoughts usually wonder around, forming mental images of the past, trying to rearrange those images from the past the way I think it should be, or imagining what the future might be, trying to fulfill in the future what I think is lacking in me right now. But now, I'm trying my best to live each and every moment and just enjoy it... without too much thinking or being focused with the results. I'm just enjoying it... everything that I have right now. I'm doing this habit for the past few weeks already, and you know what, it seems like LIFE itself is the one doing the work for me, or opening its arms to me, not the other way around. I suddenly feel very positive, in a way that it gives me peace in my mind, in my body and in my soul... The past became... just a past, not regrets... The uncertainty of the future became an adventure, instead of insecurities...

I do admit that sometimes, my mind will tell me that this peace is only a rationalization of things, kinda like it's a way my mind flees or escapes the reality... but who cares if it does... there are a lot of things that I do not have knowledge about, and that includes how my mind works... or how EVERYTHING works rather... and I know that it is not my priority to find all these answers, because I know that I do not have to, because my mind will come up of plenty of reasons anyway to counter whatever I will conclude... Knowing that that is my not priority opened other opportunities for me, other things for me. And these "other" things are worth trying to explore to. So I guess the best that I can do is just enjoy what is... if I cannot enjoy all of it, at least I accept and acknowledge those things... and move on.

I guess when you understand that life exists just the way it is, and accept that fact, everything will be easier.

I'm just thanking God for all the things that I am having, because there are so many blessings! Blessings in many forms! I just have to learn to recognize it! :D

We are ONE

I was reading a book, actually 3 books that a friend shared to me... actually after reading those books, i felt like i was liberated... because now i know that God's love is unconditional... coz at first i thought that God's love was conditional.. that if you do this bad thing or that bad thing, you will be punished... but i was wrong i guess... God's love is more than that, beyond the "wrong" things that we humans can ever think about...

i also found out that we are one with all that there is... like we are part of the same "life" that brought or that caused all things to be as they are right now... we just simply not aware of it.. but once you know that you are one with life itself, you'll know that there is much more in life that you can ever, ever think about...

you can just realize this whenever you look at the stars at night, and notice how great and magnificent how things were made, how the everything that composed the universe fits perfectly as the way it should be... everything, everything is just simply great...

life is truly great... it's so amazing, splendid, mysterious, and keeps on surprising you with sudden realizations! truly exciting! :D

Happy 2009!

Another new year ahead of us and I wonder what this will year will bring. But I sure will be treating this year of the earth ox with full optimism!

According to some, ox’s characteristic is that this animal is persevered, hardworking, and does not believe in easy money or easy success, so you have to work for it (Whoa, too bad for casino lovers). I think that’s a nice characteristic for the ox though, and it would be nicer if people with copy some of its characteristics.

Anyway, time to rock and roll this year baby!!! Just gonna have a wonderful year ahead and another year of crazy fun! As for New Year’s resolution (which this time I will make it attainable and realistic hehe), I already have an incomplete list of it (still thinking here). Generally, my New Year’s resolution composed of simple things that I often overlooked at as unimportant or insignificant but if you will think it carefully, it has tremendous effects on me and the people around me. Includes like complaining and complaining about the relative inconvenience of life has on you, compared to thousands or millions of people who are working so hard just to have a life like that of yours. I think this kind of awareness will have a huge effect on one’s life one way or another.

My list for 2009 goes on. And I wish also everybody to have a wonderful year… or years ahead of them!

Happy New Year to everyone!

P.S.

Let’s all hope and pray for world peace too, especially the ongoing war between the Israeli and Hamas.

Humming After the Exam

The Great Battle is over. Or is it?

My mind is still fresh, from the moment I stepped inside our review center, up to the last day of our board exam. In the review center, you can see lots of different nursing students; each got their own unique style of studying habits. Almost everywhere you look, you see the hunger, and you smell the competition of most, if not all the nursing students who are in the review center striving to be one of the board passers with the idea of gaining another step towards the greener pasture that awaits for us nursing examinees abroad.

All of them seem to be preparing a lot, and I say a lot, just for the big day knowing after the board exam, a great battle is at last over… or so they say…

Now that the board exam is over — together with the reading of thick books, piles of handouts and answering all those mock questionnaires, sleepless nights — it’s already useless to fret whether your answers in the actual board exam to those tricky questions were right and wrong, finally I can rest even for just awhile. But somehow, there’s a part of me that won’t loosen up.

I, a student of nursing who just recently took the November 29-30 board exam, like any others, dream of a wonderful future ahead of me, but also, I am still doubtful, perhaps insecure of whether there is a future that lies in the current events happening in the in the Philippines with all the news of oversupply of nurses, the world financial crisis, scams, corruption, terrorism and things like it. Also, here in the Philippines, if you want to train in some tertiary hospitals, you still have to pay for it and after weeks of training, if you didn’t pass the training, you will not be absorbed by the hospital, together with the fees that you’ve paid. Can you just imagine, you pay for being a nurse in a hospital?

Well according to some, the health sector will not be affected by the world financial turmoil, and that’s a great relief for us in the health sector at least.

Life sure is hard, and it gets harder and harder every now and then. What we can do now is to regard this as a challenge. I mean, we cannot get everything what we want and not everything is served in a silver platter.

Like I’ve said, there’s no point in fretting right now, and the right thing to do is that we do something about it. We, not just nursing students but every responsible Filipinos, should not just be thrown away by fear of the unpredictable future, for the future really is always unpredictable. What good is it to worry when we know that it doesn’t give a damn single hour to our lives. So instead, we should build the capacity to get through this, help each other, do something, and have hope for a brighter future.

The Great Battle is not yet over, it has only just begun, and the battle of each of our own lives to achieve what we dream of amidst all the challenges, is worth fighting for!

Bent Reasoning

Men are rational beings/animals according to some famous philosophers out there (I think it was Aristotle who have said this, and also Thomas Aquinas). Indeed, being rational is what sets humans apart from other species. To rationalize, is to think reasonably, or to employ reason, which is a unique and wonderful characteristics that we possess. Although this is a great craft, we sometimes go beyond our limits and we get lose of the reality.

A person, who do not pay the jeepney would reason out "nagtitipid kasi ako" or "ang taas na kasi ng mga bilihin ngayon, at ang dami kong gastos." Upon this reasoning, the said person takes relief on it because he or she removes the guilt, thinking that this reason is acceptable or enough to suffice his or her beliefts about what he or she thinks is right. In other words, that person tends to protect his or her ego thru rationalization, as a defense against the feeling of guilt, the feeling of regret, the feeling of having done something wrong. We sometimes overuse this defense and we lose touch of reality. In the case of this person not paying the jeepney, he negates the fact that the jeepney driver works his ass off just to have a living, to feed his family with his small amount of salary, basically to live just again for another day. This person may be aware of this fact that the jeepney driver is working very hard to earn a living, but this person will continue to rationalize, to reason out, to make excuses just to cover up his feelings of guilt. The scary part of this is, this person already have this habit of not paying the jeepney driver because he or she continues to rationalize things up to cover up his or her guilt, and eventually this pattern will be embedded to this person… unless he or she breaks this pattern soon.

Indeed, humans are really one of a kind.

To rationalize is human nature, but we should be aware at least about what we are thinking, what our reasons why we think such things, and our purpose for it, because everything starts in the mind. What is in our minds will manifest through our actions, and the actions that we will make shall lead to consequences.

There are many faces and forms of this defense called rationalization. It comes in different "shapes and sizes" and it can get as complicated as we imagine it to be. Our minds are powerful, we are so gifted because we have the ability to reason. This same gift of reason that we have will also serve as a defense against losing control over things. Let us think things carefully from now on. Let us use our gift for the good of all.

So… What Now!

Gawd! I mean, what should I do now? After college, after the graduation, what will I do? Some say that I should focus more on board exams, so that I can pass it with flying colors. But you know what, I am somehow influenced by other people, who work in a call center. Well, because of the high paying salary compared to others, it’s just pretty darn tempting! Honestly, if I have the means/money, I wouldn’t stress myself looking for a job! I wouldn’t waste my time going here and there, riding mrt, lrt, jeepneys, with matching scorching heat of the sun just to find a job. It’s just f**kin hard! Well that’s life I guess. At least, being not too rich has its own advantages. You depend on yourself, and you are forced to learn things, like commuting, pakikisama with others, kapalan ng mukha attitude with your connections, todo tipid, eating at turo turo, and many things that a simple filipino must know, especially with the kind of economy we are having, I mean… Gawd! We need to be madiskarte or be street smart people! But actually, it’s not that hard to find a job, but a high-paying job, like 20k and above per month, is somehow hard.

Well, as a nursing graduate, who’s not yet gonna take the June board exam, well I guess I should make the most of my time… wisely! I should know my priorities well. I mean, I should not be blinded by the high paying salary companies out there. It’s okay to venture into it, but to be engulfed by it is not anymore a good idea. As a fresh nursing graduate, a common dilemma is being stuck of what to do next or what to do now, or what to do in ones life. These questions, these confusions, is pretty damn stressful. It sucks your energy… if you let it. So be wary!

Well as for me, I have a goal in my life… and this goal, will help me guide my way. So for the meantime, I will prepare myself, study study study again, gonna say hello to reading again review materials and books, and focusing on the things that I should focus instead of your attention being dispersed into many things. Because, like a magnifying glass that focuses the light rays of the sun, if you focus yourself into something… you’re hot! You’re gonna burn somebody baby! And you’ll thank yourself someday by doing the right thing!

Learning Locations (commute style)

Sense of location? Hmm, I don’t think I don’t have that. It’s quite hard for me to learn locations. Especially how to get to that place via different route than usual. (e.g. the usual route is traffic) In order for me to discover new routes, I should get lost first. When I get lost, I ask the people around me how to get there, what will be the jeepneys that I will be riding and all. When I’m in the jeep or in the fx, I usually tell the driver, "Ibaba niyo na lang ako sa (location) kasi di ko alam yun". I’m glad the jeepney and fx drivers are kind enough. However, sometimes I don’t notice that I’m already way passed my should be destination. I get to notice it whenever I tell the driver, "malayo pa po ba yung (location)"? So there, I’m not that of a good commuter. But at least I’m learning, through the help of my friends, the bystanders, security guards, barkers, signboards, landmarks and all that contributed to my commuting knowledge.

Now I know different routes going to:
1. Quiapo
2. Bulacan
3. Morayta
4. Quezon Ave
5. North Ave
6. Raon
7. Philcoa

I forgot some of the places. But the things is, my commuting powers is improving and I’m happy for it. Now I don’t have to rely on taxi anymore (haha). The thing that is pretty helpful when finding a place for me would be landmarks and signboards. I can’t imagine how to get into a destination without these.

Getting lost is really a good thing. You learn to explore different routes, force you to ask people where to get where. It just helps you to get familiar with the places, that’s it!