Humming After the Exam

The Great Battle is over. Or is it?

My mind is still fresh, from the moment I stepped inside our review center, up to the last day of our board exam. In the review center, you can see lots of different nursing students; each got their own unique style of studying habits. Almost everywhere you look, you see the hunger, and you smell the competition of most, if not all the nursing students who are in the review center striving to be one of the board passers with the idea of gaining another step towards the greener pasture that awaits for us nursing examinees abroad.

All of them seem to be preparing a lot, and I say a lot, just for the big day knowing after the board exam, a great battle is at last over… or so they say…

Now that the board exam is over — together with the reading of thick books, piles of handouts and answering all those mock questionnaires, sleepless nights — it’s already useless to fret whether your answers in the actual board exam to those tricky questions were right and wrong, finally I can rest even for just awhile. But somehow, there’s a part of me that won’t loosen up.

I, a student of nursing who just recently took the November 29-30 board exam, like any others, dream of a wonderful future ahead of me, but also, I am still doubtful, perhaps insecure of whether there is a future that lies in the current events happening in the in the Philippines with all the news of oversupply of nurses, the world financial crisis, scams, corruption, terrorism and things like it. Also, here in the Philippines, if you want to train in some tertiary hospitals, you still have to pay for it and after weeks of training, if you didn’t pass the training, you will not be absorbed by the hospital, together with the fees that you’ve paid. Can you just imagine, you pay for being a nurse in a hospital?

Well according to some, the health sector will not be affected by the world financial turmoil, and that’s a great relief for us in the health sector at least.

Life sure is hard, and it gets harder and harder every now and then. What we can do now is to regard this as a challenge. I mean, we cannot get everything what we want and not everything is served in a silver platter.

Like I’ve said, there’s no point in fretting right now, and the right thing to do is that we do something about it. We, not just nursing students but every responsible Filipinos, should not just be thrown away by fear of the unpredictable future, for the future really is always unpredictable. What good is it to worry when we know that it doesn’t give a damn single hour to our lives. So instead, we should build the capacity to get through this, help each other, do something, and have hope for a brighter future.

The Great Battle is not yet over, it has only just begun, and the battle of each of our own lives to achieve what we dream of amidst all the challenges, is worth fighting for!

Bent Reasoning

Men are rational beings/animals according to some famous philosophers out there (I think it was Aristotle who have said this, and also Thomas Aquinas). Indeed, being rational is what sets humans apart from other species. To rationalize, is to think reasonably, or to employ reason, which is a unique and wonderful characteristics that we possess. Although this is a great craft, we sometimes go beyond our limits and we get lose of the reality.

A person, who do not pay the jeepney would reason out "nagtitipid kasi ako" or "ang taas na kasi ng mga bilihin ngayon, at ang dami kong gastos." Upon this reasoning, the said person takes relief on it because he or she removes the guilt, thinking that this reason is acceptable or enough to suffice his or her beliefts about what he or she thinks is right. In other words, that person tends to protect his or her ego thru rationalization, as a defense against the feeling of guilt, the feeling of regret, the feeling of having done something wrong. We sometimes overuse this defense and we lose touch of reality. In the case of this person not paying the jeepney, he negates the fact that the jeepney driver works his ass off just to have a living, to feed his family with his small amount of salary, basically to live just again for another day. This person may be aware of this fact that the jeepney driver is working very hard to earn a living, but this person will continue to rationalize, to reason out, to make excuses just to cover up his feelings of guilt. The scary part of this is, this person already have this habit of not paying the jeepney driver because he or she continues to rationalize things up to cover up his or her guilt, and eventually this pattern will be embedded to this person… unless he or she breaks this pattern soon.

Indeed, humans are really one of a kind.

To rationalize is human nature, but we should be aware at least about what we are thinking, what our reasons why we think such things, and our purpose for it, because everything starts in the mind. What is in our minds will manifest through our actions, and the actions that we will make shall lead to consequences.

There are many faces and forms of this defense called rationalization. It comes in different "shapes and sizes" and it can get as complicated as we imagine it to be. Our minds are powerful, we are so gifted because we have the ability to reason. This same gift of reason that we have will also serve as a defense against losing control over things. Let us think things carefully from now on. Let us use our gift for the good of all.

So… What Now!

Gawd! I mean, what should I do now? After college, after the graduation, what will I do? Some say that I should focus more on board exams, so that I can pass it with flying colors. But you know what, I am somehow influenced by other people, who work in a call center. Well, because of the high paying salary compared to others, it’s just pretty darn tempting! Honestly, if I have the means/money, I wouldn’t stress myself looking for a job! I wouldn’t waste my time going here and there, riding mrt, lrt, jeepneys, with matching scorching heat of the sun just to find a job. It’s just f**kin hard! Well that’s life I guess. At least, being not too rich has its own advantages. You depend on yourself, and you are forced to learn things, like commuting, pakikisama with others, kapalan ng mukha attitude with your connections, todo tipid, eating at turo turo, and many things that a simple filipino must know, especially with the kind of economy we are having, I mean… Gawd! We need to be madiskarte or be street smart people! But actually, it’s not that hard to find a job, but a high-paying job, like 20k and above per month, is somehow hard.

Well, as a nursing graduate, who’s not yet gonna take the June board exam, well I guess I should make the most of my time… wisely! I should know my priorities well. I mean, I should not be blinded by the high paying salary companies out there. It’s okay to venture into it, but to be engulfed by it is not anymore a good idea. As a fresh nursing graduate, a common dilemma is being stuck of what to do next or what to do now, or what to do in ones life. These questions, these confusions, is pretty damn stressful. It sucks your energy… if you let it. So be wary!

Well as for me, I have a goal in my life… and this goal, will help me guide my way. So for the meantime, I will prepare myself, study study study again, gonna say hello to reading again review materials and books, and focusing on the things that I should focus instead of your attention being dispersed into many things. Because, like a magnifying glass that focuses the light rays of the sun, if you focus yourself into something… you’re hot! You’re gonna burn somebody baby! And you’ll thank yourself someday by doing the right thing!

Learning Locations (commute style)

Sense of location? Hmm, I don’t think I don’t have that. It’s quite hard for me to learn locations. Especially how to get to that place via different route than usual. (e.g. the usual route is traffic) In order for me to discover new routes, I should get lost first. When I get lost, I ask the people around me how to get there, what will be the jeepneys that I will be riding and all. When I’m in the jeep or in the fx, I usually tell the driver, "Ibaba niyo na lang ako sa (location) kasi di ko alam yun". I’m glad the jeepney and fx drivers are kind enough. However, sometimes I don’t notice that I’m already way passed my should be destination. I get to notice it whenever I tell the driver, "malayo pa po ba yung (location)"? So there, I’m not that of a good commuter. But at least I’m learning, through the help of my friends, the bystanders, security guards, barkers, signboards, landmarks and all that contributed to my commuting knowledge.

Now I know different routes going to:
1. Quiapo
2. Bulacan
3. Morayta
4. Quezon Ave
5. North Ave
6. Raon
7. Philcoa

I forgot some of the places. But the things is, my commuting powers is improving and I’m happy for it. Now I don’t have to rely on taxi anymore (haha). The thing that is pretty helpful when finding a place for me would be landmarks and signboards. I can’t imagine how to get into a destination without these.

Getting lost is really a good thing. You learn to explore different routes, force you to ask people where to get where. It just helps you to get familiar with the places, that’s it!

Hope

It truly is a great feeling that after you were in the darkest abyss of your life, you were able to get out of that creepy hole, and then you are back where there is hope, more aware that you are living, still breathing, still have someone, who is along side of you all the way, ensuring that you will not be left alone…

It is a great blessing that your loved ones are there for you, even if all else fails, you know that you have many people that will catch you upon your fall, help you to stand up again, making you see that life… after all… is really worth living and fighting for!

My Provincial Roots

Going back to Pangasinan, together with my family, long-time-no-see cousins, and wonderful titos and tita (only one tita came along with us) is really a great stress-buster and mind refresher. Away from the smokes of cars, noise of people, stress of
work and study, and hello to the simple life of province. Now for awhile, I will leave my "baggages" in manila, and will take a stress-free break in Pangasinan.

As we were driving along the NLEX, I can already feel the great vacation that we will be having in Pangasinan, aside from not seeing my lolo and lola there, I can’t wait for the yummy, provincial foods that I will devour. Yumyum. The 7 plus hour ride (together with the stop overs) should really be worth it! We drove along the highway of Pampanga and Tarlac. The sceneries that we passed along, especially the farms and fishponds, with matching wonderful weather and great musics in an air-conditioned SUV, and with nuts to munch while traveling is already a great experience, in fact somehow relaxing. Travelling really is fun!

We made a stop to Manaog around 5:30 pm, and we prayed there. They say that Our lady of Manaog is really miraculous. I even offered three candles there but I made more than three wishes. Well I guess, up there they’d understand that I don’t have money to buy some more (kinda lacking on that time). Then I prayed there in the church. The feeling of praying in a church that you haven’t seen yet is wonderful. Funny but it feels like your wishes have hope when it’s first time.

After a long hour ride, we finally got there, to our lola and lolo’s small, humble home. Their house is very simple, just enough for the two of them, and there’s a second floor if guests arrive. I saw lolo and lola, old but yet still full of energy, especially when they saw some visitors after quite some time now.

We call our grandparents mamang and papang. They still remember us, I was surprised that they even guessed our names correctly despite that they haven’t seen us for a very long time, more than a decade. We really felt the warm welcome they’ve given us. Mamang has this soft voice, and very kind character, whenever she speaks. She speaks in a soft, audible manner. Papang on the other hand, is always neat and clean, with applied pumada on his hair. It’s really quite funny. Both of them are very kind and accommodating to us.

I remember them, when I was young I usually don’t mind them at all. They’re just you know, my grandma and my grandpa, but now I don’t know, for some reason I’m very pleased with their lifestyle. Simplicity is what manifested from them. Now I know why their sons and daughters have this characteristic of being kind, accomodating, compassionate, understanding. It is because I see it in them. Papang and mamang really are wonderful souls and have wonderful sons and daughters that they are really proud of, not because of financial prowess, but because papang and mamang made a legacy of good values, which we, with our cousins, see in our parents.

As I saw an old picture of me and mamang when I was like 7 years old posted in an old cabinet, I told myself geesh, time really flies so fast, I’m now 21 years old, graduate nursing student of a prestigious school. I cannot be what I am today if it weren’t for them, and the way they nurtured their offsprings, the values they’ve taught and was passed on to us, I’m thankful, really.

I had a wonderful 3 day vacation in Pangasinan. We ate wonderful delicacies like inihaw na puset, local fishes there (I forgot the name of the fishes), and my favorite, the scrumptious, large, juicy crabs and the wonderful, delicious recipes of papang. We also went to bolinao market, the beach, Manaog, and many beautiful places that I will remember in my entire life. I enjoyed my stay there, together with my family, I had a wonderful, relaxing vacation. It made me look back to the past, to my roots, anddiscovered an inner peace from my get-away vacation.

Simplicity of life, being happy with everything that is given to us, thankful for what is there and what is not, knowing what really matters most, and many more realizations, can be realized more
when you take a break, having a vacation, having a fun time.

We all need pauses, from all sorts of things that seems to be preoccupying us. Going vacation to province, or just simply going out somewhere, together with your family or friends is really a great anti-stress experience. So, don’t hesitate to have one. Go and have one!

Life sure is fun!

Doggie Doggie

Our dog, named lazy, is not lazy! She’s a she, and she’s very playful. When I let go of her chain, she would run wildly, her tail is wiggling playfully, and with a smile on her face. Whenever she saw one of us, she would stand up, wave her paws at us, like a child waiting for someone to play with her. She’s so playful! Without a doubt!

I just hope that she is properly potty trained though, because when she poops, it’s kinda disgusting. Well, I just learned that when you have a dog, you should at least be able to have discipline in the rituals that your dog should need, and that includes walking him/her every morning to have her poop done somewhere so that the poop is properly "pooped". At least let him/her be freed from his/her dog house once in awhile so that he/she will not be too wild when he/she is freed. Anti ticks or flea soaps are very important! Don’t let your dog play on soil because I think, they could contract disease from it, like our previous dog that died, (miss you homie!). Well for more dog tips, just look over the internet.

My dog needs to be trained because she’s so very makulet! But even so, she’s one dog that contributes to the happy aura of our home. I hope she will serve as a good luck charm this year 2008.

Good and Bad. Always come together. Maintains the Balance. The extremes go hand in hand. God, I don’t know what to say. Just look at the picture. It’s a cool picture. Actually I just took it accidentally using the macro feature of my friend’s cam. I was just trying to get a close-up picture of the grass at the sunken garden of UP and this picture was the result of it. It kinda looks cool. It looks like a different version of yang yin, and when you look through it, kinda looks like a mirror. Cool!

Simple Things

I woke up today… thinking that it’s the 24^th of December, and we are going to our lola’s house… It’s already a tradition for us to go there every 24^th of December and have Noche Buena, exchange gifts, and Aguinaldo… I’m quite excited coz I’m gonna receive again money from my relatives and family… I went out, and cook breakfast for my sister and my niece… I cooked 2 eggs and 4 cheesedogs… then I ate together with my sister and niece… washed the dishes… then chill… went outside, and noticed that it’s a beautiful semi-sunny day (don’t know the proper term for this…)… I really had a simple start on this day… I tried not to think of my weaknesses and my problems in the past… I tried not to think too much… I just want to live as for the moment… and I feel somehow a sense of stillness in my mind by living life as simple as it should be…

I realized that we all have a choice whether we should be stuck with the memories of our past… or with the monsters of our minds that we ourselves created… or with the fears that we keep on thinking… we do all have choices… and it’s up to us what choices we should make… we are often engulfed by our powerful minds with fears that we ourselves created, and somehow we lose sight of the reality… we forget to live our lives… and we are totally focused on it… but hey, we have a choice… we have our choices, we have our loved ones, we have everything that we need and should be thankful for. Simple things that we often take for granted… We should always remember that we only have one life to live… and we should not waste our time thinking too much… we all have our own demons to deal with… let’s deal with it by being more powerful
and wiser than the demons we ourselves created.

I read something in a blog that says… “The quest for inner peace is often blocked by fear. Have none and clarity will appear” and I will always remember this for it will be of great
help for me, and for everyone…